Winning at Motherhood

Funny story. 

 

(Isn’t that how all the good stories start?)

 

I’ve been a mom since I was 17 years old. 

 

I dated my first love behind my mom’s back. She thought we were “just friends”. I wasn’t supposed to date until I was 18 years old. At which time, I was only supposed to date with the intention of getting married. What a load of crap.

 

Growing up Jehovah’s Witness, dating was supposed to be a means to an end: marriage. The ultimate goal of every woman. Ugh. Being raised in a Christian faith “on the fringe” is funny story, too, but I’ll save that for another time.

 

My high school boyfriend was lovely and sweet and good and creative and irritating. 

Aren’t they all? 

Maybe not.

 

We didn’t have sex until 9 months after we started dating.

 

I got pregnant one Sunday afternoon in February while my mom was at my uncle’s house. I stayed at home so I could have sex with my boyfriend. She didn’t know, of course. However, it was my new fun hobby. I really enjoyed it. I know I’m not supposed to say that. Teenage sex is taboo and definitely not something that is supposed to be admittedly enjoyable. 

 

But guess what! Teenagers all over the world are having sex right now and enjoying every minute of it. I know a lot of them may not be having yummy juicy sex, but there are a lot of them that are. And that’s perfectly fine and healthy and good. 

 

After I got pregnant, which was by accident-on-purpose (as all “surprise” pregnancies are… I mean come on, people. You’re having sex. You’re bound to get pregnant at some point), I vowed I would break the cycle of addiction and abuse in my family and free myself and my son. 

 

I read Louise Hay while pregnant. I started group therapy. I went to 12 step meetings. I was on a mission to fast forward through my healing so I could get to the good part of living. Then, my baby boy would be healthy and happy. 

 

(Insert loud raucous laughter here.)

 

Okay. Maybe I shouldn’t be laughing so hard or so loud considering I was mostly devastated when I realized, at the ripe age of 24, that I had not avoided becoming the angry mother of my childhood. (Sigh.) 

 

My second daughter was born in 1996 and I chose to stay home. My heart hurt so deeply that I had not been able to do so with my first baby, I was hell bent on being there with my second. This was a very difficult decision given I was working at a prestigious high school and in line for the job of my dreams: teaching Visual Art in French. But alas, my determination to be present for all of my daughter’s firsts, along with the call of my heart, won out. I didn’t feel as though I had any other choice but to embark on the journey of full time mothering.  

 

What I didn’t know is that mothering, especially stay at home mothering, can and will drive you to the brink of insanity. It’s can be a major struggle BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FACE THE UGLY PARTS OF YOURSELF AS TRIGGERED BY YOUR CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS. 

 

(Insert loud raucous laughter here again.) 

 

I had visions of painting and creating award winning masterpieces while my newborn baby slept peacefully in her bed. I was going to be the best stay at home mom ever. All homemade food, daily vacuuming, bringing my husband lunch at work, perfect class parent kind of mom. 

 

Those were good goals. Those were great goals. But I soon found those goals were a tad out of reach. (nervously clears throats)

 

My newborn never slept. Well, that might be an exaggeration. She slept about 15-20 minutes twice a day. And slept some of the night attached to my breast. She was colicky and lived in my arms. I was exhausted and sleep deprived, but I was hell bent on my vision of motherhood. I was gonna win this thing.

 

So…

I read parenting books.

I made our meals from scratch.

I homeschooled our son.

I tidied the house every day before my husband got home from work.

I joined the PAC.

I became a La Leche League Leader.

I started a business making and selling handmade jewellery.

I booked all the appointments and attended all the events.

And the list goes on.

 

But it never felt like enough. I never felt like enough. Nothing was ever enough. 

 

The kicker was no one knew. Everything looked good on the outside. 

I was smiling and busy and doing all the right things.

 

Truth was…

This stay at home mothering thing was killing me. 

My physical health was suffering.

My self esteem was plummeting. 

My joy was fleeting.

 

This wasn’t really what I signed up for. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVED my children. I LOVED my husband. I wanted to be married. I wanted to do this. But something wasn’t right. 

 

You know what wasn’t right?

I wasn’t right.

 

I didn’t care for myself.

I didn’t like myself anymore.

I had been acting and pushing and wanting and trying for so long that somewhere along the line, I got lost. 

 

I lost my passion.

I lost my freedom.

I lost my mojo.

I lost myself. 

 

Now fast forward.

 

Today, I am 29 years into my mothering career with only one monkey left at home, who is giving me a run for my money, but I finally feel like I am winning at motherhood. 

 

I am winning at motherhood!

Me! I am!

Motherhood is my bitch now. Ba ha ha ha. Okay. Maybe not quite.

 

But! I’ve learned so much along the way.

I am doing it and feeling good about it. 

Finally!

 

And you can, too.

 

I will sum up everything I learned over the past 3 decades in one simple sentence. 

 

One simple sentence that is GUARANTEED to have you winning at motherhood, too.

 

You win at motherhood when you win at you.

 

It’s that simple. 

 

You win at motherhood when you win at you.

 

That’s it! That’s all.

 

You win at motherhood when you win at you.

 

AND GUESS WHAT!

 

This doesn’t only apply to motherhood.

This applies to anything and everything in your life.

 

THIS APPLIES TO ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE!

 

When you win at you, you can win at anything.

 

I’ll say that again.

 

When you win at you, you can win at anything.

 

It’s this truth that has shaped my coaching. When you win at you, you can win at anything. It doesn’t matter what you want to do in your life, if you inner game isn’t on point, you won’t win your outer game. Coaching will help you tackle the work you need to do on the inside, so you can succeed in anything you do on the outside of you. It’s all about what’s happening on your inside.

Pretty soon, I will be opening up 2 spots for a 1:1 coaching opportunity with me. Working 1:1 is a powerful transformational experience. It holds the possibility to change everything. I look forward to sharing more details with you soon. Stay tuned😊

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